Food Mood

When food is used to cope, getting sidelined can happen with just one bite.

One bite and it’s over.

You make commitments to get healthy, to cut out gluten, to run more, to be better, faster, stronger

But then comes an angry text from a certain somebody, an email from the lawyer with a mediation date, two sick kids after only six days of school…

My girls’ Whole Foods margherita pizza looks really good as I sit here and type. It’s bubbling with gooey cheesiness and there’s that thin wheat crust with scattered bits of basil and tomato. And the smell….

The sleeves of Oreos over there look pretty tempting, too. The girl’s dad brought home a gigantic box of those suckers to make home-made ice cream. Would they even notice if I grabbed and dashed and hid in my room, back to the closed door with a crumb coated smile?

They might not.

Eating the pizza would start the inner war. Then would come the apathetic negotiating (which you will lose) for a second piece. A third piece wouldn’t seem unreasonable if the shit hit the fan at any time during that second piece.

Before the pizza had time to move on down the digestive track, the cookies would one finger wave me over and then I’d really be doomed. My soothed mood would make the decision for me; add the sugar and it will be all better. You will feel better. You will feel something other than sad, mad, had…

It would end badly, though; rubbing a sore gut and kicking an already bruised ego.

Instead of managing my stress with food I instead (just) made a bowl of mixed greens with half a pear, some sliced almonds, gorgonzola and a bit of balsamico. Clap. Please, do.

I feel momentarily better, but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to get away from the kitchen and fast.

I know it’s early for bed (6:26) but the farther I get from that room, the better I’ll be able to manage today’s out of control appetite for diet destruction!

Night night.

XOM

The pizza.
The Oreos.
It was pretty. I should have taken a picture, but it was either eat or be beat.

The Next Chapter

After careful consideration I’ve decided there are two things more difficult than completing a marathon.

Marriage and Getting Control Over Emotional Eating

These happen to be the two topics I am loath to write about. I never like my posts when I try to touch on them, because both are hard and can easily read depressing.

When I got married I was thirty-two and in love. Then came infertility and twins and lost jobs and new jobs, then sick babies, separate bedrooms, marriage counselors, almost divorce and now a re-commitment to the cause with a healthy amount of eye rolling.

In other words life.

It’s almost a joke how newly engaged people are nudged by smiling married people while being told, “Marriage is hard!”

I was told this often and while hard is a good description, no one gives the actual low down on how much work it is.

Work is good. Family is better. Marriage can be great if both people realize that they are in it together, but it’s a challenge to not want to run for the hills when you realize that you are committed (for the rest of your life) to a person who leaves his socks in the corner of the living room every night after work or whose idea of cleaning is to move all the clutter to another room.

Those little irritations that were kind of cute at the beginning can mean the beginning of the end if things aren’t put into perspective.

One must also remember that men and women truly are from different planets, so rooming with an alien is difficult, for both species. It takes work for both parties to find the respect and gratitude that everyone deserves and is so often the first thing to go as children come along and life gets more complicated. Sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side and for some it is. It’s a very delicate subject; personal and important.

Weight loss is a sore subject for so many Americans because it never quite sticks. In my case I am first to admit that I am an emotional eater. I’m not as quick to admit (but here goes) that I gobbled down and entire box of Cadburry eggs yesterday before driving through Wendy’s for a cheeseburger (the one with all the mayonnaise). I did manage to cut it into fourths when we got home in the hope that one of the girls would take a triangle, but after an hour it never happened and mommy scarfed down the entire thing.

I am the same girl who juices kale and broccoli and likes it. I soak my chia seeds and know the benefits of vitamins and nutrients one gets from their foods. Potion control? I’ve got it memorized. But when you’ve been reaching for cupcakes to soothe as long as I’ve been it’s a tremendous effort to stay on the straight and skinny.

Food makes me feel better. Yucky food makes me feel better quickly. Healthy food makes me feel great, but when the stress hits the ceiling a good handful of chocolate chips or a bag of Haribo gummy bears makes it all better faster.

I have a feeling a lot of people struggle the same way and maybe I can broach the subject and find some lasting answers.

My race ended four days ago and in my quest for “what to do next” and my goal to “live a healthy and happy life,” these two subjects must be addressed.

I’m as nervous about putting this out into the world as I was about the marathon, but it is imperative that I try.

Here is the challenge:

To find the balance and to write about it in a way that is helpful and fun!

More yoga will most definitely be on the agenda, but the next marathon will be the test.

C
Cadbury Creme Eggs developed by Satan.
Wendy's cheeseburger. Cutting it into fouths doesn't make it any better for you.
Gold Bears Gummi Candy, 5 oz size, 12 ct pack
The ones in the gold bag are like crack for tired mommies.