I Quit You

When Ryan Hall dropped out of the Men’s Olympic Marathon less than a month ago, people accused him of being a quitter.

There are Pinterest quotes that scream, “Pain is temporary and quitting is permanent!”

I get that quitting can be bad, but it also can be good (and needed and safer and in Ryan Hall’s decision was an intelligent choice to save a career by accepting an injured hamstring).

I quit drinking Diet Coke well over a week ago when I realized that I was cracking a can every time I felt thirsty. I knew it was wrong, but I’m not sure it was because I felt so awful that I knew it had to be quit. It was a case of intellect outshining desire (damned desire) and in this case my brain won.

It was the first step in taking back some control of a diet that had spun away from me. I’d retreated back to the coping mechanism of using food during what’s been a tumultuous time in my life.

Entering day four without sugar hasn’t been as easy, but it also hasn’t been torture.

I am not having huge cravings and I’m beginning to feel what I think is hunger.

Five days ago the habit to return to the fridge/kitchen/pantry for energy and fuel and emotional strength left me feeling like a guinea pig on a wheel.

Once the wheel got going I could run and run and run, but I never felt satiated and never felt good.

But it saved me from having to think.

The hardest part of cutting out the refined sugar has not been the cravings. It’s been setting myself up to make better choices by having a fridge/kitchen/pantry stocked full of the right things.

In the midst of a hectic day, given the choice to eat a bag of Twizzlers over anything else, the decision too often made itself. Admitting is the first step to recovery and so I confess. This is how I tick. This is how I was made.

Will I ever eat a cupcake again? I’d be in denial if I said, “No.”

Do I hope I’m not in the position to eat one (or a box) for a long time? Oh God, on knees, saying prayers.

My biggest hope is that when I do decide to eat a cupcake (and let’s hope the cake part is moist and rich and the buttercream sings in its sweetness) that I will be able to stop there and not eat three.

A day at a time. A minute at a time. With faith that (for today) I can do this.

Do you emotionally eat? Do you have triggers? Ever feel like a guinea pig on a wheel in the kitchen (or anywhere else for that matter)?

XOM

Cupcakes by Frosted NYC at Stacey’s wedding. they were great. I was sent home with a box for my daughters whose temper fits made their trip down the aisle as flowers girls an impossibility. Would you like to place bets on who actually ate the box?

Laters Sugar…

One week ago I drank the last Diet Coke in the fridge and made the conscious effort to not head out to the store to buy more the next day or the next or the next.

At this time I can officially say, “I’m off the stuff,” until I am in a position where one is presented to me or in my general vicinity, upon which time I’ll be faced with making the right choice; a conscious choice to say, “No, thank you,” and drink something else.

I’ve had a hard time lately using food for reasons other than hunger. Hunger? I have no idea how that should feel.

Yesterday, sick and tired of being a slave to the pantry, I chose I to spend the day free from my biggest food challenge; sweet sweet sugar.

In order to set myself up for success some planning was involved.

Before morning yoga I headed to Whole Foods where I made myself a big green salad with garlicky kale and a boiled egg for protein. I bought a gigantic water, but decided against the little bags of mix nuts at the check out as they were full of added dried fruit (high in sugars and carbohydrates).

After yoga, I ate my salad and later had a bowl of pasta with a few turkey meatballs that Brian had made for the girls the day before. I had a scoop of peanut butter when I thought I was hungry (that hunger thing again…) and mixed up chia seeds with almond milk for later.

My goal to steer clear of ice cream and chocolate (in any form) was successful and by bedtime I fell asleep feeling a bit more confident in my ability to make better choices. I probably did eat too many calories, but I didn’t count, I didn’t get on the scale, I tried to stay present and listen to my body.

I wonder if the diet doctors would consider this approach to gaining back control of my food issues to be half-hearted. It doesn’t much matter. My conviction was strong, which is what is important.

Today is a new day and the planning has begun. Ezekiel bread, half a boiled egg, avocado, tomatoes, and some turkey sausage for breakfast. I’ve got a fridge full of juicing ingredients; spinach, kale, beets, carrots and celery. Apples are waiting on the counter for a late day snack. I haven’t figured out lunch and dinner, but I will try my best to make good choices for both.

How is your diet looking? Do you get that hunger thing? How do you know when it’s true hunger or bored/something to do hunger? 

XOM

I’m out of Greek yogurt, so I opted for this. I wonder sometimes if I need to quit dairy. I love my yogurt, it’s great protein, but I’m not sure if it’s just a vehicle for Go Lean Crunch, which may or may not cause me to be hungry within an hour of eating eat. #dilemma