Mad, Mood, Cake

I needed to run so badly this morning that had I not gone I would have ended up in the Whole Foods parking lot bingeing on a dozen of their mini cupcakes while crying and blowing my nose on brown paper napkins. Mad can do this to me.

My mad always makes me run faster and so I wore my Garmin to monitor my pace.

My index finger scrolled the iPhone past Britney and Colbie, landing on Eminem. His aggression mixed with my mood made for even faster running and release of negative energies.

Sweating out the mad made room for the glad.

The glad and the happy started to flow as fresh blood was pushed through my heart. It was released through a toothy smile, flying hands and some serious public rear end shaking.

4.73 miles later and I almost felt totally better.

I went to my afternoon meet up with the pre-school moms I love. Sitting on a sunny playground and sharing our lives with honesty and compassion made my hurt feelings dissipate. Shared experiences will do that.

Though the cause of my mad is currently working in his office around the corner from the dining room, unaware that he still must be careful with his words or I might just bite him, my frown has actually been turned upside down.

I still might bite that big meanie if he can’t grab hold of that wicked tongue fighting from inside his mouth, but thus far I have not done any biting of husbands or real cake.

In my estimation that’s a pretty successful day.

Wouldn’t you say?

Cake Cake Cake Cake Cake Cake
Cake with three layers and pink frosting. If this was in the house it wouldn’t have a chance.
Chocolate Volcano Cake
Chocolate Volcano Cake. When I lived In NYC I used to order nachos and choclate volcano cake for dinner from the Mexican Place on East 28th and 3rd .They’d deliver and I’d sit on my bed having food conniptions!
pretty pretty cupcake.
Almost too pretty to eat. Almost.

Mindful Eating vs. Mommy Eating

Today was my mid-week mid mileage run. I mapped when I got home and had gone farther than actually planned, roughly 7 miles. I was happy  about the mileage, but not so much the speed. While on the road, I felt slower than slow. I visualized myself like a little turtle. A turtle in pink compression socks.  It turned out I actually had run an 11.42 minute mile.  Faster than Monday, but still pretty sad.

I spent the majority of the run thinking about why I am so slow? I wish it was complicated, because then I’d have an excuse for it. No, it’s simple. I have terrible eating habits. And I’m great at excuses!

Yesterday is a pretty good example of why. I started the day as I usually do, with a cup of Special K with Red Berries and a cup of skim milk. A few hours later the girls were getting antsy because I was still typing away, and they wanted to go to the library as I’d promised. A bad mommy moment later, to minimize the whining and buy me some time, I offered them a homemade cupcake that Brian had brought home from work last night, and a show on the DVR. There were three cupcakes left, so they each got one. I figured that last little cupcake shouldn’t just be sitting there all alone, so I gobbled it up. After going upstairs to get showered and dressed, the library was waiting, and I realized I should feed the kids some real food before we ventured out. I made them a whole wheat pita pizza with bell peppers, and they nibbled carrot sticks with humus while it cooked. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When they were finished with their lunch, I participated in the most dreadful, “deadly to the waistline,” habit of the stay at home mom. I finished their food. Oh, and lest I forget, I also finished the remainder of the cupcake that Grace didn’t want (she didn’t like the peanut butter on the inside).

Hmm. I wonder if that bit of peanut butter is what made me want a pb&j?

I digress.

The day continued in the same frenzied way. At the grocery store in the late afternoon I sampled the ham and salami that we got at the deli counter. A cookie from the cookie bin and a piece of “grocery store” bread, the kind that’s filled with sunflowers and honey, was next. For dinner, I gave the girls leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes that their grandmother had made the night before. I steamed up some green beans and voila, dinner was served. I proceeded to eat a bite of meat loaf out of the pan, two bites of potatoes from the microwaved dish, two green beans, and 2 gigantic bowls of ice cream!

We went upstairs after dinner and I brushed my teeth, so I wouldn’t be tempted to stack later.  As soon as the night-time routine was complete and the kids were asleep, I came back downstairs for this week’s Empire Boulevard, a Fresca, and a the remaining half of a bag of pita chips from Sam’s Club (you know, the gigantic bag) hiding in the back of the pantry.

The excuses had to stop today. I will never get faster if I don’t stop this ridiculous and lazy eating. I need to be mindful and care more about me. I’ve got to fuel my body right if I’m ever going to lighten up to speed up, let alone run 26.2 miles.

Today has been a much better day. I’ve eaten whole, real, small meals and I feel much better! Let’s hope this turtle can keep it together; the marathon and my life require it.