I’ve been feeling very sorry for myself lately.
Poor pitiful me with so many unknowns, so many worries, so many scary pre/post divorce, “Can I do it alone’s?”
The fact that my birthday was coming didn’t even matter. What’s another birthday anyway? I’m not five. It’s not like I need to celebrate like I am so important that a whole day needs to be dedicated to me.
Worth mentioning, my pitifulness was dragging me back down into the depths of my worst habits, too. I can admit it to you and I will. That last sleeve of Oreos? I brushed them out of my teeth last night and didn’t even care that my month sans sugar and processed junkiness had been for not. My sugar-free, gluten-free lifestyle could suck a lollipop. Sad Martha eats sugar. Worried Martha doesn’t care.
But when I woke up this morning my daughter jumped out of bed singing, “It’s your birthday!” as if it were hers. Both girls were eager to dress pretty for school and to share with their teachers the significance of the day. My mother called and said, “This was the happiest day of my life.” My sister Gabby was smooshy mooshy lovey sweet on the phone (she is a wonderful sister) and my facebook friends have blown up my feed with the loveliest birthday wishes.
And just like that my heart is full. My worries put on hold.
Feeling better (happier and lighter on my feet) I swung through Whole Foods on the way home from pre-school drop off.
I stood in the entrance a second longer than necessary breathing in the scent of comforting fall spices.
I bought pretty baby spinaches and the big container of my favorite red raspberry Ultima electrolyte replenisher (cheaper than Starbucks green tea and less zingy than Nuun).
I wandered through the gluten-free aisle and snapped up some Mary’s Gone Crackers that had a hang tag mentioning they were two for less!
Down the aisles, up the aisles, through checkout and back home to write a post out of gratitude for all the things I’d been neglecting to see and feel and experience as the worry monster has been furiously stomping on my good.
So now I wonder. Maybe grown up birthdays aren’t supposed to be like when we were kids; all self absorbed and present hungry. Maybe the day is meant to be a reminder of all the great things that this life has to offer. A calendar marked day when the world points your way and gives you a great big hug (whether you want one or not).
So, “Thank you,” to my community, my family, my friends.
I’m caught completely off guard and having a very happy birthday after all.
How do you feel about your birthday?