I Quit You

When Ryan Hall dropped out of the Men’s Olympic Marathon less than a month ago, people accused him of being a quitter.

There are Pinterest quotes that scream, “Pain is temporary and quitting is permanent!”

I get that quitting can be bad, but it also can be good (and needed and safer and in Ryan Hall’s decision was an intelligent choice to save a career by accepting an injured hamstring).

I quit drinking Diet Coke well over a week ago when I realized that I was cracking a can every time I felt thirsty. I knew it was wrong, but I’m not sure it was because I felt so awful that I knew it had to be quit. It was a case of intellect outshining desire (damned desire) and in this case my brain won.

It was the first step in taking back some control of a diet that had spun away from me. I’d retreated back to the coping mechanism of using food during what’s been a tumultuous time in my life.

Entering day four without sugar hasn’t been as easy, but it also hasn’t been torture.

I am not having huge cravings and I’m beginning to feel what I think is hunger.

Five days ago the habit to return to the fridge/kitchen/pantry for energy and fuel and emotional strength left me feeling like a guinea pig on a wheel.

Once the wheel got going I could run and run and run, but I never felt satiated and never felt good.

But it saved me from having to think.

The hardest part of cutting out the refined sugar has not been the cravings. It’s been setting myself up to make better choices by having a fridge/kitchen/pantry stocked full of the right things.

In the midst of a hectic day, given the choice to eat a bag of Twizzlers over anything else, the decision too often made itself. Admitting is the first step to recovery and so I confess. This is how I tick. This is how I was made.

Will I ever eat a cupcake again? I’d be in denial if I said, “No.”

Do I hope I’m not in the position to eat one (or a box) for a long time? Oh God, on knees, saying prayers.

My biggest hope is that when I do decide to eat a cupcake (and let’s hope the cake part is moist and rich and the buttercream sings in its sweetness) that I will be able to stop there and not eat three.

A day at a time. A minute at a time. With faith that (for today) I can do this.

Do you emotionally eat? Do you have triggers? Ever feel like a guinea pig on a wheel in the kitchen (or anywhere else for that matter)?


Cupcakes by Frosted NYC at Stacey’s wedding. they were great. I was sent home with a box for my daughters whose temper fits made their trip down the aisle as flowers girls an impossibility. Would you like to place bets on who actually ate the box?

11 thoughts on “I Quit You

  1. I have never just eating “one” cupcake – which is why I had to ditch the sugar 20 years ago. But when I do eat my “no refined flour/sugar treats,” it’s hard to stop at just one sometimes, because it is how I self-soothe to this day. I am SO on this journey with you and on my knees as well. xo

  2. My poor eating is more about convenience than anything else…as you mention, it is so much easier to grab a handful of crap. For me, it is all about planning and stocking the house with convenient, healthy foods. I am on a quest to cook more, while the kids are still interested in what we’re eating. It just doesn’t seem to happen. Just another reason I need to be an at home mama 🙂

  3. This has definitely been me these past couple of weeks – heading into the kitchen in order to find emotional strength. The triggers are the worst when I’m emotionally/mentally low. The hardest for me too is stocking the kitchen and pantry so that when I do go there, there are some good choices for me. I too am with you on this journey and hate being a slave to the triggers!!

  4. I used to eat for emotional strength when the kids were napping. I used to need a big cookie and a 20 oz Mountain Dew every afternoon. It makes my stomach turn just thinking about that. One thing that has really helped me is having a garden and going to the farmer’s market (we have four in our small city–that’s Oregon for you–everyone eats fresh and healthy here). Once you cut back on sugar and processed foods, you don’t crave them anymore. It took me a long time and I still struggle especially in the winter months.

    BTW- I have a guinea pig and she sits in the corner of her cage and sleeps all day. I don’t think she’d make it on a wheel. 🙂

      1. I wish I could say I binged out only nap time… technically we don’t have naps anymore so I eat all day. Haven’t felt as famished though since cutting out the sugar… it’s sort of eye opening!

  5. LOVED the pic of my wedding cupcakes! They were SO good. Sandra is an evil genius when it comes to sweets! I am so proud of you and I am inspired….I am a “dinner making picker”. I pick at food the entire time I am making dinner. I eat until I actually feel so full I can’t eat the dinner I have cooked! If I could get that bad eating habit under control I would feel amazing. Any ideas??

  6. I think the first week is the hardest. Your mind and body want to fight your rational side so badly. When I started my diet overhaul, I had to learn that every craving and every little hunger pang did not need to be satisfied. It’s been 14 weeks now and healthy choices are so ingrained in me now I don’t even skip a beat when making a food decision. I find strength in looking back on a day and being able to say “I ate all the right things.” I’m down right proud of myself! I still worry that if I slowly begin to allow things back in that I may find myself on a slippery slope, but I know now that I DO have the willpower! It gets easier!!!

    1. 14 weeks! I know I should enjoy the process, but I’ll be so glad to see where I am in 14 weeks. Hopefully, greater success than I’ve had as of late!

  7. Here’s a little good news: once you get your body UN-accustomed to processed sugar, eating more than a small amount of it will actually feel bad. Physically. I haven’t regularly eaten sweets in years and now when I do (the occasional cupcake, for example), I know I better stop at one or even 1/2 because I’ll get a headache from the rush of the sugar! Makes staying away from those treats easier…. Now, don’t get me started on cheese. Cheese my is my therapist!

    1. I’m just starting with sugar…once I’ve gotten a grip bad carbs are next. Cheese and dairy are wayyyy down the list…I love them too much!

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