Free Bird Anxiety

Today I need to escape my kids, my husband, my house, my routine, and the repetition of the life I’ve created.

My head tells me that it’s a good thing.

Sunday morning yoga class is always good.

A trip to the toy store for a birthday present without my four-year olds in tow is great.

I’ll pick up the wrapped end of year teacher gifts without having to rush.

I want to sit at Starbucks where I’ll drink an iced Venti unsweetened green tea and get some undisturbed work done.

I don’t know on what. Maybe I could make sense of the Adsense craziness that is a new blog issue? Maybe I’d finish up my yoga article? Maybe complete the cover letters to publishers?

My heart tells me to stay; that it’s selfish to leave.

I shouldn’t be this eager to leave.

Maybe it’s my own fault for the way it’s been set up?

I’ve never gone out for girls night.

I’ve never left my kids overnight.

I co-sleep.

I am the one in charge of the children and I don’t have control over whether or not they are stimulated and played with and loved while I am gone.

And upon my return will the house still be standing or am I setting myself up for an afternoon of double duty; double kitchen cleaning, double toy putting away, double the mess removal?

The directional pulls to go or to stay fight me as I type.

Time has ticked too long and I know if I don’t move now I won’t go.

I’m off to shower to get ready for this day.

Still, I can’t help but wonder, do free birds really feel free when they are let out of their cage or do they fly around in circles waiting to get locked back inside where they know that they’re safe in the familiarity of home?

Wish me luck.

Caged Bird by Laura Hughes.

14 thoughts on “Free Bird Anxiety

    1. I quoted you and Mr. Chopra in my follow up post. Thank you for the comment. It was perfect!

  1. It’s always such a big deal to take time away as a mom. I never understood why my sisters had such a hard time leaving their kids to get out of the house when I was younger. I understand now. Don’t feel guilty for leaving. You need your time!

  2. You want to be the best mom you can be, right? Taking an hour or two, or four, will recharge you and make you a better person; you will feel better; you will have better energy to deal with whatever comes your way. Yes, you may in fact have double time when you return, but don’t think about that, just try to enjoy. It will be good for your kids, too. And the more often you do it, the easier it will be for everybody. Go for it.

  3. FLY FREE!!! Get out, I don’t do it enough and my girl friends who do are all the better for it!!!
    Hope you got out and had a wonderful day! Looking forward to a trip to the port, just us two mama’s!

  4. I am totally with you with the routine and repetition. It can be so mind-numbing sometimes that it’s so important for you to get out and have your own time and carve something for YOU. In the end, that time away and focus on ourselves makes us better mothers. Sometimes I think that it’s too easy for me to take time away from my kids but I recognize that that’s what I need sometimes. I’m so happy to hear that you are working on articles and sending out things to publishers. That’s awesome!!

    PS Finally read 50 Shades of Grey and am now about to buy the next two books. Hooked! Definitely not the best writing in the world (and I totally understand what you wrote in your post about it) but I was completely drawn in.

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