The Next Chapter

After careful consideration I’ve decided there are two things more difficult than completing a marathon.

Marriage and Getting Control Over Emotional Eating

These happen to be the two topics I am loath to write about. I never like my posts when I try to touch on them, because both are hard and can easily read depressing.

When I got married I was thirty-two and in love. Then came infertility and twins and lost jobs and new jobs, then sick babies, separate bedrooms, marriage counselors, almost divorce and now a re-commitment to the cause with a healthy amount of eye rolling.

In other words life.

It’s almost a joke how newly engaged people are nudged by smiling married people while being told, “Marriage is hard!”

I was told this often and while hard is a good description, no one gives the actual low down on how much work it is.

Work is good. Family is better. Marriage can be great if both people realize that they are in it together, but it’s a challenge to not want to run for the hills when you realize that you are committed (for the rest of your life) to a person who leaves his socks in the corner of the living room every night after work or whose idea of cleaning is to move all the clutter to another room.

Those little irritations that were kind of cute at the beginning can mean the beginning of the end if things aren’t put into perspective.

One must also remember that men and women truly are from different planets, so rooming with an alien is difficult, for both species. It takes work for both parties to find the respect and gratitude that everyone deserves and is so often the first thing to go as children come along and life gets more complicated. Sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side and for some it is. It’s a very delicate subject; personal and important.

Weight loss is a sore subject for so many Americans because it never quite sticks. In my case I am first to admit that I am an emotional eater. I’m not as quick to admit (but here goes) that I gobbled down and entire box of Cadburry eggs yesterday before driving through Wendy’s for a cheeseburger (the one with all the mayonnaise). I did manage to cut it into fourths when we got home in the hope that one of the girls would take a triangle, but after an hour it never happened and mommy scarfed down the entire thing.

I am the same girl who juices kale and broccoli and likes it. I soak my chia seeds and know the benefits of vitamins and nutrients one gets from their foods. Potion control? I’ve got it memorized. But when you’ve been reaching for cupcakes to soothe as long as I’ve been it’s a tremendous effort to stay on the straight and skinny.

Food makes me feel better. Yucky food makes me feel better quickly. Healthy food makes me feel great, but when the stress hits the ceiling a good handful of chocolate chips or a bag of Haribo gummy bears makes it all better faster.

I have a feeling a lot of people struggle the same way and maybe I can broach the subject and find some lasting answers.

My race ended four days ago and in my quest for “what to do next” and my goal to “live a healthy and happy life,” these two subjects must be addressed.

I’m as nervous about putting this out into the world as I was about the marathon, but it is imperative that I try.

Here is the challenge:

To find the balance and to write about it in a way that is helpful and fun!

More yoga will most definitely be on the agenda, but the next marathon will be the test.

Cadbury Creme Eggs developed by Satan.
Wendy's cheeseburger. Cutting it into fouths doesn't make it any better for you.
Gold Bears Gummi Candy, 5 oz size, 12 ct pack
The ones in the gold bag are like crack for tired mommies.

20 thoughts on “The Next Chapter

  1. I feel ya sistah, in more ways than you know! Love, love, loving the blog! I look forward to it every day! Can’t wait to debrief on the porch šŸ™‚ MISS YOU!!! xoxo

  2. Very well said. I agree! Though I’m probably still considered a newlywed by some (3 years), Things definitely were tough, and learning to live together AND talk to each other effecively AND still like each other at the end of the day got much easier when we both learned that we both have to sacrifice. Luckily, we attend a Bible study group with other young married couples so we almost have “free marriage counseling” every week and it’s been a huge blessing.

    But I also agree so much about the emotional eating. I especially loved the part about yucky food making you feel better but healthy food making you feel great….for me, it’s 2 different kinds of better because otherwise those healthy foods would be what we’d choose in a crisis instead of gummy bears (which I also agree rocks!) But like you said, it’s all about finding balance. After all, I’d probably want a burger too if I recently finished a marathon!

    For what it’s worth, I think you’ve done better figuring it out than you think. You rock!

  3. I needed this post today. With some minor turmoil on the homefront, I needed a gentle reminder that we are in this together. But, it is still so frustrating!!! You will not only find balance, but maintain it.

  4. Wow, you have guts! I am becoming a fan of your work, you have a great style and point of view. Remember too that we all have our own stuff, I battle with coffee, sugar, pot, more sugar, etc. WE all have those things that we battle in life, what I love is your open willingness to put that out there and commit to more for yourself and your family. I will celebrate, yes CELEBRATE, my 15 year anniversary in September. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done and it keeps calling on new parts of who I am each and every day. But you are right, as long as you have committed to doing it together you can deal. So keep dealing and keep writing about it, great stuff. I’d like to be at that debrief session on the porch too… =)

    1. Joe! I love your work!!!!

      I’m not sure if I have guts or am just crazy, but I do know that I needed to get honest with myself first. There are people who never speak the truth, which has always bothered me, so I’m trying to live by my own rules.
      We are going to need to have a porch pow wow. The girls and I will be there for July! As always, the front door will be open! Come by! xo

  5. Wow, loved this post because it is so so true! I feel the same struggles as I’m sure a lot of others reading this post do. Thanks for having the courage to post this and share because yet again, you make me feel like a normal human being! Although my husband and I didn’t have the same issues I certainly agree that marriage is difficult but most definitely worth it. Throwing children in the mix makes it even harder. I really connected with you when you said:

    “It takes work for both parties to find the respect and gratitude that everyone deserves and is so often the first thing to go as children come along and life gets more complicated”

    You are so good with your words and expressing your thoughts.

    Thank you!

  6. You have truly connected with so many people and helped them realize they are not alone.You really have a flair, a gift, So keep doing what you are doing. I think writing is your destiny. I love reading your posts. Uncle Jim and I made a pact early on that kept us together through some rough patches. “Whoever leaves has to take the kids!” šŸ™‚ xoxo

  7. I am so proud to call you my friend. Your blogs are both true and inspiring. Thank you for touching the sticky, not so fun, but oh so true subjects. No one can ever prepare you for the hardships really, but it definitely is an easier pill to swallow when you know you are not alone. Kudos to you my dear friend!

  8. I cannot wait to see where this goes. I will tell you that single mommyhood is not all rainbows and unicorns and hot dudes either. While I am much happier now than living in dysfunction, life is a struggle every day. But, that is the nature of life or at least a decent one. That we must work to make it better and not just sit back and let it happen. And even though I’m on the skinny side, I still eat bad food, often.

  9. Love this. As others have said, I’m really glad that you wrote this post. What you wrote about marriages and relationships really captured much of what has been floating around in my head but also been unable to put into words. There’s a lot of crap floating and so easy to feel like you are alone in feeling this way among the sea of happily marrieds. For that alone, thank you. I’m also very similar in terms of eating. In fact, I’ve been searching for a bag of Cadbury mini eggs all week! xoxo

  10. Oh my Martha how I love reading your blog every day. Here I am with my empty box of Mike and Ikes (needed a break from gummy bears) and thinking ohhhh, a cream egg sounds yummy! Food for love don’t ya know šŸ™‚

  11. After my half marathon Saturday I have done some non stop eating! Finally getting a hold of myself today before I did too much damage. Thanks for your blog šŸ™‚

  12. Ah yes. For us, the dark marriage time was the long long darkness and years and years of inferility(coupled with living somewhere I couldn’t work because I didn’t speak the language).

    I remember when we were expected twins, and reading all those books, did you know parents of multiples have a higher divorce rate? I’m not surprised, it can be hard eh?

    Ps, I agree on the emotional eating, I’m beginning to have the same realizations.

    1. I have heard about the divorce rate for people with twins! It makes sense, because, yes it is hard! I got so much email from this post with singleton moms too, I wonder if maybe marriage is just hard across the board? Having twins does more than double the stress, though.

      I’ve been doing a cleanse for three days. It’s been interesting to see how ok I’ve been with very little food, but how often I think about eating something, especially when I’m bored or the kids are being nutters! Emotional eating is like alcoholism. A day at a time!

      Thanks for all the great comments!

  13. Not sure if you are dealing with this (and hopefull you’re not!) but after I ran my second marathon in December 2010, I hit a lull mood-wise and ended up going on antidepressants for several months. Some of it might have due to the holidays, my toddler beginning to walk and terriorize the house, and a hormone imbalance. It was rough. It was really hard to stay motivated to exercise esp. because I had nothing to train for anymore. A few months later I started trying to improve my 5K and ran a few local 5ks–that kept me going.

    1. This is a great response! I will admit to the lull mood-wise. Running the marathon was so important to so many aspects of my life that I felt lost when it was over. Didn’t realize it until yesterday. Today is a new day and I am trying to give up some of the control and just “be.” Wrote a post about it! Thanks for being so candid in your comments! I appreciate it!

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